27 December 2012
There will be no more predictions next year. Just like the end of the world fiasco, we have had some loony predictions in this country. And the thing is we have all been proven wrong.
THE failure of the world to end has really messed up my plans.
I thought that one of two things could happen. Either giant meteors/tidal waves/earthquakes/would crush me in which case nothing would matter any more.
Or the world would be in such a total panic facing the Armageddon, that I would not be noticed for a while.
Either way, I would not have to write this week’s column and be able to take a nice little break.
With any luck the accounting department would be in such disarray, they might still even pay me.
Alas, the world did not end, just as the accounting department will never ever pay me more than what they think I am due.
So here I am earning my keep for the last time in 2012.
Usually, end of year opinion pieces take the form of reminiscing about the year that has gone by.
I don’t want to do that. Instead I want to share my New Year resolutions with you.
I must declare, however, that I don’t believe in resolutions and the few times I have tried have ended in dismal failure.
However, seeing that I am still alive and the world has been spared, perhaps an extra effort is due.
I resolve to listen to or read the opinion of people whose philosophies I find nauseating for at least a few minutes/paragraphs before being violently sick.
After all you need to hear what they are saying before you can rebut them, otherwise you would be a knee jerk reactionary. Which is what they usually are.
I resolve to not make any more predictions. Just like the end of the world fiasco, we have had some loony predictions in this country which everybody, yours truly included, have taken part in. And the thing is we have all been proven wrong.
What is it about predictions? I think the people who like making them are those with a serious superiority complex.
They feel the urgent need to be better than others. They get a tingly feeling in the pit of the stomach when they can turn around and say “I told you so. Aren’t I smart?”.
Well, I don’t want to be like that. Especially when my predictions are always so wrong.
The one I am talking about here is of course the next general election.
Over the last year in particular, I have heard and I have given wisely considered possibilities as to when the elections will be held.
All told with a sage knowing look and the gentle stroking of a non-existent goatee.
How wise we all sounded and how utterly stupid we have all been shown to be.
Well, no more. It’s time to be Buddhist about this: we can’t tell when the darned thing is going to be so there is no point pretending we do and we can’t do anything about selecting the date, so let’s not worry about it.
My last resolution is to be patient with Andre Villas Boas and not to call for his head until at least one more full season in charge.
So what if this is the first time I am watching my beloved Tottenham Hotspur play in such a way that I actually nod off.
So what if I can make no sense of his tactical genius. He needs time, he deserves time.
Well, there you have it, my three New Year resolutions.
And you know what, I bet that by the time this hits the newsstands, Spurs would probably have lost to Aston Villa, I would be screaming, “sack the Portuguese”; and if any idiot has a different point of view from me, I’ll vomit all over their shoes.
Whoops! Messed this resolution business up again.
Happy New Year!