Sunday, 10 July 2011

Wham, Bam that’s my Man!

Brave New World (The Star)
16 June 2011

There are many “soft men” out there who do not understand what it means to be male and as a result the girls start to get ideas above their station.


WELCOME gentlemen, welcome. Please take a seat. Anywhere will do. The serving wenches will be coming in a moment to serve your tea. Feel free to ogle at their bosoms and buttocks. That’s what they are there for.
We are gathered here today for the inaugural meeting of the Husband In Charge Klub or HICK for short. In the light of the creation of the Obedient Wives Club, it was thought that it would be appropriate for us men to have an equivalent society; something to help men in Malaysia truly understand what their role is.
After all, there are so many “soft men” out there who simply do not understand what it means to be male. It is these idiots who give us a bad name and they cause so many social problems. For example, they believe in women’s rights. This gives the wrong message to women.
Just because of a small bunch of sissy boys, it is as though we all agree with all that feminism rubbish. The girls start to get ideas above their station and because of that we poor men are not treated well and we have no choice but to have affairs and what not.
Therefore, for the good of society, we must set all men straight. Let there be no mistake, gentlemen, we are here to put things right in this country. We are doing a service to our nation. We should be as proud as a cock strutting the farmyard.
So, let’s establish our core principles and ideals. First, and most important, we are masters. Our word is final. We are the kings. We can express this through various means.
For example, there is no real need to actually talk to your woman. A grunt is sufficient. It is up to her to interpret what that grunt means.
In the first few weeks of marriage, you might need to help her understand by slapping her on the back of the head if she doesn’t get the difference between the “I want a drink” grunt with the “take off your clothes and wait for me in the bedroom until I finish watching football” grunt.
It is also great to have some public displays of subservience from your woman. Make her kiss your hand when you drop her off anywhere. What is important here is not the hand kissing as such, but your own attitude to it.
Don’t look at her when she kisses your manly digits. Look away as though you have something better to do. And remember, if you can zoom off in your car before she has the chance to step away, even better.
The next thing we must concern ourselves with is personal hygiene and fitness. The rule here is simple, neither is necessary. You can be as smelly and as unfit as you like.
She should learn to appreciate and to love your manly musk. And if you get overweight, well, it’s just more of you to love isn’t it?
Mind you, it is very important that this does not go both ways. Your woman must be as fragrant and as slim as on the day you met her.
If she gets podgy as a result of her dropping all those brats that you put into her womb, you have every right to complain about how unattractive she is and how it is because of her that you can’t get it up any more.
Now, the OWC is going to train women to be high-class prostitutes in the bedroom. This is very good. However, our women do not have the same experience as we do with high class prostitutes, so let’s help the girls a bit by telling them exactly what high-class prostitutes do.
On a final note, if they are going to be high-class prostitutes, then what about us? Do we have to be high-class studs?
Of course not, we have to put up with their incessant whining for jewellery, shoes, handbags, clothes, marketing money and all that. It would simply be inhuman to expect us to give them good sex as well.
Remember our motto: “Our Pleasure is Their Pleasure”.
That’s about it gentlemen. I think it is time for our tea break now. Ah, here come the wenches. Move your lovely butts, sweet things, we’re parched!

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