Monday, 30 July 2012

Scripts for Tinseltown

Going the Distance (Selangor Times)
27 July 2012


Hollywood, having run out of ideas, has turned to Malaysia for inspiration. Below are two potential blockbuster movies which draw their plots from the pages of Malaysia’s newspapers.

Austin Powers and Dr Yes-No The nefarious Dr Yes-No is a villain of eel like slipperiness. He has the amazing ability of saying totally contradictory things in order to further his own cause.

Hence the name Yes-No.

He is able to write a heartfelt thesis on the evils of detention without trial and then spin around faster than a speeding bullet to support detention without trial.

Truly he is an incredible character and a worthy opponent to Austin Powers, the international man of mystery.

In this latest instalment of the Austin Powers franchise, Austin and his new sidekick Miss Pinky Bottoms, have to battle Dr Yes-No and his wicked plan to take over the world. Can Austin stop him?

It will be difficult for although Austin Powers has the skills to perfectly execute his famous judo chop, and Miss Pinky Bottoms is pretty handy with her customised pink escrima sticks, they will be faced with an army of highly trained martial artists.

Under the guise of doing community service, Dr Yes-No recruits martial artists from all over the world to fight crime.

It all begins swimmingly as patrols of men and women in matching gis and bare feet march the streets to protect the innocent.

Soon, they are everywhere. In housing estates, shopping malls, car parks, office buildings, industrial areas, fishing ponds and even government complexes.

People feel so much safer when they know they are a karate chop or a taekwondo kick away from safety.

However, with the public’s confidence at a high, and with the police all taking long leave seeing as their job is being done for them for free, the true nature of Dr Yes-No’s plot becomes apparent.

His army runs amok, taking over city after city. No one can withstand their highly skilled unarmed combat skills and before long Dr Yes-No is in control of everything. Can Austin and Pinky stop him?

You can find out in December 2012 at a cinema near you.

Mission Impossible V: The Impossible Mission Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is faced with his most impossible Impossible Mission ever in this fourth sequel of the hit series.

Moving away from the high octane formula of the first four movies, this one goes for something cerebral, more in line with Mr Cruise’s aging body.

Ethan is on a well-deserved holiday in the Bahamas when he gets a package. He opens it to find a DVD of Battlefield earth.

He puts it on and instead of seeing John Travolta in dreadlocks; he hears a familiar voice with a familiar offer. His mission if he chooses to accept it will not be to thwart some megalomaniac. No, it is much, much harder.

He has to attempt to make the Malaysian National Harmony Act something totally different from the Malaysian Sedition Act.

Somehow, he will have to make a law which stifles free speech and makes a mockery of democratic principles look as though it does not stifle free speech and make a mockery of democratic principles.

Not only that, he would have to convince people that a legal system which has been blatantly picking and choosing upon whom they will impose the Sedition Act, would not do the exact same thing with the National Harmony Act.

In the past four MI movies, we see Ethan Hunt struggling with and finally overcoming the unfeasibly difficult odds placed before him.

This time we will see him wonder whether he should even try.

Will he or won’t he? Mission Impossible V: The Impossible Mission opens on Election Day, so we can’t be sure when you will get the answer.

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